I took a Polygraph (lie detector) Test, and here’s what I learned.

The other day, I had the opportunity to take a polygraph test for a job for which I am applying. I was pretty nervous in the days leading up to it, not because I have so much to hide, but because I was concerned that I would sink myself by overthinking a question, or because some machine would think that I was fibbing because my pulse sped up at the wrong time. I would tell myself in preparation for the test that the only thing I had to worry about was telling the truth and staying relaxed. Control what you can control and let God take care of the rest. 

This mindset brought me comfort all the way until I was sitting in that chair with the device strapped to my torso and arm and fingers. The room was hot, and the minifan in the corner was doing nothing more than sending my heat and nervousness back at me. And for what seemed like a lifetime and a half, the administrator sitting across from me made small talk. (Props to him for recognizing my restlessness and trying to help calm me down.) However, for me, the tension only continued to rise and rise as he began to give me the rundown of what was going to happen.

Then, in my apprehension, I blurted out all my worst failures and “dark secrets” to the administrator. Thankfully, he had asked me to, but still. It was a bit much. This part of the process was part of the process, thankfully, as the administrators give you the chance to tell and explain to them any experiences that you may have not mentioned on the forms you filled out before showing up. This way, when the Polygraph Test is happening, both parties know exactly what each question means, and the technology can better assess your responses.

I wish I could say I felt cooler and calmer after opening the vent to its widest setting, but to be honest, I only felt more concerned that I was forgetting information. Now, to be clear, I have spent the last year or so confessing all my insecurities and shortcomings to my spouse, and almost my whole lifetime before then doing the same with God, so this act of spilling the beans was really not that hard. However, there is just something about spilling all those beans, and there still being a possibility that a machine doesn’t believe you, and thus disqualifies you from a job opportunity, that really gets to you, you know?

But back to the chair and the hot room and my sweaty palms. As we were making the final preparations for the test, I could not help but think about all those movies you see where a character is in the same situation and has to get away with that information that could save a life, or the world. Okay, it was not that serious, but you get it. 

Right before we were to begin, the administrator gave me three points to focus on: truthfulness, certainty, and cooperation. As long as I was truthful in my responses (duh), certain about them (okayyy), and that I cooperated with the machine (what?), I would be fine. I mean, after all, I have nothing to hide, right? right?! Well, I think I am a pretty truthful person. And I may overthink a bit (okay, a lot), but I know what I have done and not done. I can cooperate with a machine; the administrator just said that I have to let myself be nervous and not try to calm myself down with deep breaths. Easy peasy! Wait, no deep breaths?? Let my palms sweat out all the water I drank this week and forever ruin this nice leather chair? Well. So much for only worrying about telling the truth and staying relaxed.

And then we were off to the races.

Despite knowing everything that was going to happen, what questions were going to be asked, I still felt like I failed the quiz. It is literally the easiest quiz I will ever take in my life — because it is all about me — and I still walked out of there feeling like I just threw that job opportunity down the drain. That being said, it was all pretty simple. About 8-10 questions, with about a 15-30 second break in between each question, 3 rounds. Let me tell you, the struggle was in those 15-30 seconds. I would take the first second to answer the yes/no question, and then proceed to overthink my answer for the next 29 seconds. And hence, those three rounds, those 15-20 minutes of my life, taught me something about my spiritual condition that I had not been aware of despite my lifetime of confessing my sins to God and others.

This Polygraph Test showed me that I have one heck of a guilty conscience. This probably seems obvious to you, and upon hindsight, it is pretty obvious to me too. However, I know this does not align with the freedom that God has promised us. 1 John 1:9 says, “But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all wickedness.” This means that not only does God clean the slate when we confess our sins, but He also clears our conscience of the wickedness we had committed — we do not have to ruminate on our past failures, or find our identity in that sin. Instead, God cleanses us of that weight so that we can live lightly and freely in Him as His children. So what does that mean for me or you or anyone else who also may struggle with their guilty conscience?

First, know the truth: when we confess our sins to Him and others, God will forgive us and cleanse us of that sin. Second, walk in that truth. We know that our enemy, Satan the Accuser, will work hard to try to make us believe that we are what we have done in the past. Walking in the truth means not accepting the lies that we are what we have done, but instead, accepting the fullness of who God calls us to be, His called and chosen ones, His children. 

So next time those thoughts and feelings of guilt slither their way in, remember the truth and the freedom it buys you. And next time you end up in a slightly ruined leather chair with a device strapped to your torso, arm, and fingers, remember that you are not what you have done in the past. You are God’s child. You are free. And you are called to do amazing things in His glorious name.